he said, she said

sometimes you can't help but to feel that everyone does not say what they truly feel, do what they truly want. everyone does it sometimes, i for one definitely do it. but it sucks when you know others are doing it to you.

boo.

No money, no honey

"When the money and the brands are stripped away and we are left as people, values are revealed".

I read this on The Age today. An article about how the GFC is affecting Baby Boomers, Gen X and Gen Y. Very interesting phrase.

what lies beneath

it doesn't seem like it should be such a tricky situation. But somehow it manages to manifest itself in that way. I don't really know how to deal with it and its hard not to make it hard for everyone. I do very much want to spend time with everyone but sometimes I just don't feel in the mood for it. Perhaps it's out of character hence comes as a surprise to others.

Is it my ego? Is it just plain laziness? or are there other deeply rooted issues involved?

Maybe it's the bitchy side of me coming into play. and it probably is time to send it packing.

Am I being selfish?

you got served

its tricky when you get thrown curveballs by life. you know you shouldn't, you know its probably going to be a bad idea but you go ahead and ignore all the flashing warning lights that go up in your head.

but i guess we can take comfort in the fact that there is probably something planned our for us that we just have to run with, and learn from whatever life throws at you.

on a different note, i realised that i had been rather unkind to a friend not too long ago. i really shouldn't have and it was uncalled for. on hindsight, i realise that i was being pretty selfish and only considered my own feelings. but thankfully, another friend reminded me that the friend was going through a pretty rough patch hence the different behaviour and that the person really needed friends to be supportive and around. with that, i felt so bad for not trying hard enough to understand how the friend felt. thankfully, things are alright now and everyone's happy. :)

back to burp

so yes, i decided to go back to the original addy. after tossing up several new addys and trying a new one, it seems that the old one was still the best and irreplacable despite what I thought initially. Something old, something new? hopefully brings about something nice!

and speaking of something old, I re-listened to a song that I have always liked and just realised how much the lyrics resonated. it is such a beautiful song and i guess charts the path i should take.

I've been learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning them again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore




i wish in the new year that everyone finds what they are looking for, gets what they hope for and is surrounded by lotsa love and blessings.

bachelorised

i am finally a bachelor.

thanks mum n dad for spending all tt money on me and giving me the opportunity to undertake this awesome experience.

If

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

in memory of what we used to call in love

I saw again the other day. It still hurts but not as much anymore. I guess I am slowly healing, which is good... It's heartbreaking to see/hear/know but when things are facts and are laid in front of your eyes, there is only so much you can do to avoid it. Keep running? Keep pretending? Keep dreaming? or Keep hoping? There comes a time when everything has been said and done. And even hope dwindles away. Like a candle burning out, the flame slowly flickers away and takes the light away. All there is left is your own will to get out of the darkness.


难行能行， 难舍能舍， 难为能为， 才能生华自我的人格.

never say never

Kudos for not giving up and managing to stage a comeback.

***

FORMER vice-president Datuk Seri Dr Chua Soi Lek, who resigned from all party posts early this year after a sex video tape scandal, made a dramatic comeback when he was elected deputy president.

He obtained 1,115 votes and defeated three others – secretary-general Datuk Ong Ka Chuan (1,001), vice-president Datuk Donald Lim Siang Chai (209) and former Pengkalan Kota Assemblyman Lee Hack Teik (10) – for the post.

thoughts in words

so much has happened since the last time I wanted to blog. and the best part is i've forgotten what I had initially wanted to blog about. ho-hum.

the crash of the financial markets has everyone talking. literally. big players like merrill lynch going down is something i never thought i would ever hear. but i guess that's life, nothing ever stays the same and the unpredictable should always be expected. even now, the AUD is lower than the SGD. the last time this happened was like 10 years ago. even during my holiday to brisbane in 1998, it was alrd 1.05 SGD to 1 AUD. goodness. everyone is cashing in on the drop now and everyone i know has been getting funds transferred over from their home country. talk bout bad timing for me man. PFFT! but it's good considering that bro could very potentially come over to study. DROP MORE, AUD! haha

the crash of the financial market also got me thinking about things on a personal level. if these establishments of 100 over years with such prominent and renowned history can crash overnight - well, not quite overnight but in such a short time and not being able to detect the warning signs - how does that reflect the ability of individuals to realise and react to things that are happening in their lives? i've been constantly thinking, of my daft-ness and insensitivity to the issues that were accumulating. i keep looking back, thinking back, to everything that was said, everything that had happened to figure out when exactly it happened. i guess i have a rough idea but that was probably at the point where it was too late already. i keep asking myself, how could i have missed the warning signs (if there were any)? i guess warning bells should have sounded in my head but i honestly would say that I did have that level of trust there. i guess i was dumb, and at the end of the day, it is never really in me to be the paranoid girlfriend kinda person. that was probably my downfall not because i did not detect the signs, but i made the other party feel unwanted. i seriously cannot pen down all the thoughts i have about this but i guess its kinda best left as thoughts.

anyhooooo, mummy's off to dong guan for a week tmr and min darling will be home alone! egads!

silence

help me to forget, gimme strength to move on, let me be free.

free

怎麼隱藏 我的悲傷
失去妳的地方
妳的髮香 散的匆忙
我已經跟不上

閉上眼睛 還能看見
妳離去的痕跡
在月光下一直找尋
那想念的身影

如果說分手 是苦痛的起點
那在終點之前 我願意再愛一遍
想要對妳說的 不敢說的愛
會不會有人 可以明白

我會發著呆 然後忘記妳
接著緊緊閉上眼
想著那一天 會有人代替
讓我不再想念妳

我會發著呆 然後微微笑
接著緊緊閉上眼
又想了一遍 妳溫柔的臉
在我忘記之前

心裡的眼淚 模糊了視線
妳已快看不見

today i free myself. i wish you both happiness.
I send gratitude to my guardians out there. I look forward excitedly to what lies beyond.

edelicious

so yes, i have finally recovered and am feeling heaps better. YAY!

Work has started to get more busy, which is good. The worst thing is having to sit around and wait for time to pass. I got my namecard.. hehe...

Ain't it preeeeeettttyyyyyy... hehehee

Anyways, lots to say as usual but its bedtime already. till then.

bukan satu hari berlalu yang kamu tidak di fikiran saya

the square root of three

I fear that I will always be
A lonely number like root three
A three is all that's good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight

Beneath a vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine
For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I'll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality
When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three
Has quietly come waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
And with a wave of magic wands
Our square root signs become unglued
And love for me has been renewed.

so far away

Dear Mr M

I hope you're doing fine. I hope things are going well. I hope you are happy. I hope you are doing better than I am.

I hope the things fit well. I hope you liked them. I hope one day I will get to see you in them.

I hope against hope. I wish for what I shouldn't. I yearn what I can't have. I pine what I can't seek.

I desire to type that email, desire to dial those numbers, desire to text that message. Looks like it not only happens in movies.

make you smile

It's in the ABC of growing up

It's been a morbid 9 days. I've been on an emotional roller coaster and had emotional outbursts. I don't know how i am going to do it, I don't know what is going to happen but I am going to try and make it turn out okay. Thanks for all the listening ears. i feel bad that I keep going on about it.

Every once in a while I reach this "low point". Where everything feels like crap, I am damn messed up and basically life just screws me over. Then I realise that I have stuffed up, big time. Sighs. I admit that I had my shortcomings and that I could have handled things in a better way but it always takes two..

I took a stumble and fell to the bottom of a well. I tried hard to climb but I slipped and wasn't able to be receptive to that patient, loving arm that was trying to reach out to me. In the end, that arm was not able to hold itself anymore and had to stop reaching out.

So that's the way the story ends.




'Cause none of us were angels And you know I love you, yeah

ponder

i miss being a mangkuk.

and wondering how does a mangkuk truly sleep right now.