• BULL MARKET: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for some kind of financial genius.
• BEAR MARKET: A six to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery, and the husband gets no cuddles.
• VALUE INVESTING: The art of buying low and selling lower.
• P/E RATIO: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
• BROKER: What my broker has made me.
• STANDARD & POOR: Your life in a nutshell.
• STOCK ANALYST: Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
• STOCK SPLIT: When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
• FINANCIAL PLANNER: A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
• MARKET CORRECTION: The day after you buy stocks.
• CASH FLOW: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
• YAHOO: What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
• WINDOWS: What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
• UPTREND: The stock before you buy it.
• DOWNTREND: Immediately after you bought.
• INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR: Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
• PROFIT: An archaic word no longer in use.
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